Cardinal

walkin outside labyrinthian over  cracks along under the trees  i know this town grounded in a compass  cardinal landing in the dogwood  i keep goin over it over & over  my steps iterate my shame  how come every outcome's such a comedown  lately afternoon with the shades drawn down  i kept sayin i just wanted to see you  sayin what's wrong with that?  needle shakin outlines in a compass  every outcome's such a comedown  i knew it when i saw it  so i did just what i wanted  so i go through with this  i knew happiness when i saw it  i saw your boyfriend at the port authority  that's a sort of fucked up place  well so i averted my stride on a quick one  he's coming back from goin over your place, huh  i feel like we could forget about it  i feel like i could mellow out  i don't feel undone in a big way  there's nothing really bad to be upset about, well  just when i thought i was getting better i  woke up on the ground  an appointment or a disappointment  any outcome's such a comedown  as if i needed a reminder  that i do only what i wanna  so i go through with this  walkin out in the nighttime springtime  needling my way home  i saw leah on the bus a few months ago  i saw some old friends at her funeral  my steps keep splitting my grief through these  solipsistic moods  i should call my parents when i think of them  i should tell my friends when i love them  maybe i should've got out a bit more  when you guys where still in town  but i got too caught up in my own shit  that's how every outcome's such a comedown  i knew it when i saw it  o, i did just what i wanted  so i go through with this  i knew happiness when i saw it  & i saw it

i was walkin with my neck out  some ways i wish i was  was walkin with my neck out in some ways that i wish that i was  out on the bevel of sound it sounds like everything else  you'll know it when you hear it cuz u know the way my voice felt  ignore my tone & everything i sing i sing for me  ignore the phone on your bed it rings it rings it rings  shirt collar ringin me out & my collar bone got all red  & already severing prose i wrote so i sing instead  i hold you put your neck out tell me the ways you wish you were  keep your confidence sound, your hook my eye my spur  so when i went to hang out, i hung behind your eyes  but my eyes still flicker with doubt  quickly o i cant decide  i'm tapped out  don't it always seem to go that  you could hold it right in your hands collapsing & still not know  (your hands' collapse & still not know)  say what it is  say how it is with everybody i know  i've got no temper for that  i send you this  cadmium red, one for every layer i shed  & i shed one layer for thisss  say what it is  it's so impossible  but if i just say what it is  it tends to sublimate away  when i was looking to drop  my life away  more every year  i shine light on edges i tried to unfeel  but we've gotta do better than that  some sortin out  so i'll be sittin on the outskirts if you wanna talk about it  things in there were just gettin so loud  say what it is  it's so impossible  but i just say what it is  it tends to sublimate away  when i was looking to drop  my life away

i was totally nervous to go to japan  i tried to travel once, i lost my keys  i was leanin in with my shirt tucked in  i was on that train repeating  how  it's so illogical  it's nothin you can see  we repeat  try it one more time with feeling  it's easy  wakin in an unusual town  every morning this september  you could sleep it off & leave it all  but in the morning you remember  so i split the difference of lonesome & lone/ly  i lay i atrophy  i was laying in with my lung crushed in  i was on that plane repeating  how leaving's so relieving  how  it's so illogical  its nothing you can see  there's no retreating  try it one more time with feeling  help me  it's so illogical  its nothing you can see  we repeat  try it one more time with feeling  it's easy

so satisfied i said a lot of things tonight  so long aphasia & the ways it kept me hiding  it's not so much exactly all the words i used  it's more that i was somehow down to let them loose  so complicated i cant wait to get explaining  your listening distended out since i've been crying  so long aphasia & the ways it kept me hidden  so long to silent nerves & hesitant oblivion  you came & sent me out unfurling in the street  & i felt unprecedented confidence in speaking  stick around im thinking things'll be alright  newly delivered wont you live with me tonight  something tonight was such a letdown on my pride  it takes a part of me i don't got to take some things in stride  i'd pace around the place so quiet in myself  id wake the next & see my silence went unfelt  just when i thought i had this pattern sorted out  apparently my ventricles are full of doubt  now  nah things go wrong sometimes don't let it freak you out  but if i don't have you by me then i'll go underground!  nah but what you've got was in your reaches all along  plus one day you'll be reaching for me & i'll be gone  to help remind myself I wrote this little song  one day i won't need your love  one day i won't define myself by the one i'm thinkin of  & if one day i won't need it  one day you won't need it

i'm spectral for days on end these days  with thoughts about visiting  so how about my voice rings out for you  & you could tell me what you're doin?  \  well  the truth is i lost all track of time  & i wound up wandering  & unravelling fragments all inside  but i rise up aligning  cuz the truth is  i don't know what  but you did it  AAAAAAAA  but  how long will i wander by your side  how long will i wander?  i wonder if that's what it might feel like  i figured i'd warn ya  i am out of my god damn mind & out to california  follow along the dotted line with  with arcs of our blood  the truth is i  don't know what  i'ma find it  AAAAAAAA  after the drugs have worn off  & we're brittle in the light  would you still be there for me  still do things for me?  soul on the radio  shakin your car around  city to city  montclair & elsewhere  nervous about goin over  its all true  i like you  you move me  but the truth is  i don't know what  i thought i knew it  AAAAAAAA

on a page torn from this book  i drew a waveform with your blood  & so i follow it & so remorse  courses through my body of course  in a little while  i'll go  unless you might wanna hang a while  then i won't  you're the only one i found so far  so outside i could be around  so come down  come over!  on a cutting board  the lights were shutting down  an avocado cut through your thumb  coursing out, already undone  in a little while  i'll go  unless you might wanna hang a while  then i won't  you're the only one i found so far  so outside i could be around  so come down  over through the fire escape  it's so late but i know you aren't tired yet  & i'll bet you've got a couple things you think i should know  but unless you wanna say em now  i'll go

do you wanna dance?  fine  but do you remember when  in your living room  when we made some room & moved ourselves around in it?  it's how my heart resumed  i got caught/ you got those caravaggio moves  we had some good ideas but we never left that fucking room  do you wanna talk?  fine  i’ll talk it out with my dad  it's always nice what he says  he’ll have some good advice from something in a book he read  if i did what i wanted then why do i feel so bad?  would you like a drink  while we wait for everything  to get good again?  we’re good at things & so are a lot of our friends  we should forget these setbacks & get back movin again  i dont know what  i’m afraid of  but i’m afraid  one day it all  will fall away  maybe i read that  but still, let’s see  if nothing else it’s an idle curiosity  so would you like that drink?  fine, yea i know. i remember that too  in your living room, right?  when we began to fight but then we both got confused  then we were laughing & crying in awe of the size of the moon do you want to die?  fine you’re right  but i wonder what it feels like  to stop feelin so alive  what if we could wake up in five years & things’d be feelin alright?  i wanna visit the future & dance in a field of light!

is there anyone here i know?  i look around the room, whatever, i let it go  steve's in germany  thats it  i try to think of anyone else no, yea that's it  so i resolve to make new friends  i liked my old ones but i fucked up so i'll start again  what's the worst that could happen  strings fray like my good days  tied around my finger i felt so afraid  i had my mind on her or on my own  and when i  looked back up everybody else was gone  so  i resolve to make new friends  someone tell me to quit my head  and help me forget it  what's the worst that could happen  the end of summer and i'm still in love with her  i said forget it  was it worse that i wasn't sure  the end of summer and i'm still in love with her  i said forget it  forget it  forget  it